001 Embracing The Butterflies

I, Kate Fischer, dream big. Like really big. I cannot think inside of the box, because I usually don't even recognize that there is a box at all. It is perhaps my greatest gift and probably my greatest struggle. Growing up, it lead me into a series of "bad decisions" - each of which I have I  paid for tenfold. I simply could not function in the strict routine and schedule of high school. It felt unnecessary to follow so many rules and I loved to find ways to break them, usually flipping the middle finger to authority in the process.

My high school entourage. From left to right. Back row: Elizabeth Sauer, Kate Fischer (me), Kayla Hustle Front Row: Erin Thomes, Jessica Hommerding, Nicole Porwoll #coolkids

Now, I'm not excusing my shabby adolescent attitude, but as an adult, I can actually pinpoint most of why that attitude existed. First and foremost, high functioning anxiety. I didn't even realize I was battling mental illness until I was 31 years old! I just assumed everyone felt like they were about to walk into a job interview 24/7. Turns out, that's actually not a thing for most people. But it has been a struggle of mine for most of my life. Trying to camouflage this vulnerability with an "F-it" attitude created, what I call, a really twisted "people pleasing hybrid".  I was stuck between wanting to impress others and wanting to hurt them before they could hurt me. This truth carried through friendships, family and in the classroom. I mean, let's be honest here. It was way more fun to want to please the type of friend that would sneak out at lunch to smoke cigarettes in the parking lot, than it was to please the front office lady who was already skeptical of my pretty sketchy attendance record (sorry Miss Penny). ​

My anxiety followed me to art school where I continued to struggle to find myself. I again questioned "Why do I have to be here?" during lectures on Post-Modernism or 3-hour long Painting II classes. Truthfully, I had met my future husband when I was 21 years old. He was not an art student. Or a student at all. He was a first-year kindergarten physical education teacher. An athlete. A farm boy. And all I really wanted to do was spend every hour of every day with him. Was this a responsible behavior? No. Did I care? Nope. Did I graduate? Yep.

Art School: Advanced Graphic Design Crew

Do I have any regrets about how I spent my college years? Kinda. But I am still head over heels in love with that farm-boy teacher and we are happily married with 3 ridiculous children: Charlie (6), Loretta (almost 4) and Elizabeth "Betty" Ann (1.5). These tiny humans have challenged me in nearly every way possible. They have filled my soul with so much love that there is hardly any room in there for insecurities anymore. They have set up shop in my heart and provide me with a healthy dose of patience and humility on the daily. Do not misunderstand. I screw up. A Lot. We all do. That's the nature of human beings. But instead of covering up that shame with a "screw-it" attitude, I now do my best to pray about it - pretty much all day long. This change did not occur overnight and it was not painless. It took years and years of hurt and loss for me to let go and realize that I do not have to do all of this by myself. And even though seeking the approval of cute boys with questionable character may have seemed like a good life choice in the early 2000's... I have finally figured out that God's approval is all that really matters. #sorrynotsorry

The day I married my farm boy on the beaches of Mexico.

Right now you are probably thinking, "So... you thought you were a pretty BAMF teenager, graduated college, married a teacher and are trying to raise 3 rascals in a house full of love and God's grace. Cool. But, what does this have to do with dreaming big and creating a children's book?" You know what, that is such a legit question. I can't even be mad at you for asking.

A family vacation to Neverland (AKA our backyard)

So here is my answer. 

This new life I live has become full of some of the most inspiring, compassionate and brave people in the history of the world. They love me unconditionally and I can feel that in the warmth of their hugs and the emojis of their messages. ;) So when I told my entourage that I was going to become an author/illustrator, they said "Of course you are!" and provided me with enough encouragement to last a lifetime. Many of these people have been the motivation behind the words of this book. Their courage during hard times, their endless prayers and their childlike trust in God's plan. I'm talking about individuals like Erin Remme, a young mama of three that has stage 4 breast cancer. My dear aunt Sheri Reiter who lost her husband 2 years ago and is the fiercest prayer warrior of all time. Kayla Strand, a beautiful young woman who founded a nonprofit in honor of her late husband. Melissa DeYaeger, an amazing wife and mother who is now up in heaven alongside her infant son. My best friend, Kayla Axsom, who lost her mama and watched her struggle with health issues for most of her life. These people, along with countless others, have been through tremendous heartache. I am not naive enough to think that my sweet little book can solve the world's problems or cover the intense pain these families face every day. But I can offer a piece of art that will provide warmth, love, and support. Sometimes, as a friend, that is all we can do. 

An illustration from my upcoming book

​I am writing this post as a personal invitation to follow me on my journey to bring this book to life. I strongly believe that what we do with our time, talent and treasure matters. So I'm taking all of my anxiety and laying it at God's feet. I'm trusting in His plan for me and am putting this gentle and redeeming story into a picture book that will hopefully resonate with little listeners and adults alike.  It is my genuine intention that my artwork inspires someone and fills them with hope. Even if just one mother reads it and thinks, "Yep, I can do this. I can face another day." Well then, I consider all of my efforts a huge success. ​

Grace + Peace,
​Kate

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